Dating Profile for Sexy Seniors App
Performed at the Houston Health Museum / October 2025
Short Version -
Do you sleep with a C-PAP machine? Are you looking for a passionate napper who enjoys watching movies and eating crackers in bed; a 76-year-old “lady” who slumbers with a mask that makes her sound like Darth Vader? Well stop scrolling. You have hit the motherlode.
Here is my story ~
I suspected I had sleep apnea when I started taking naps at railroad crossings and long red lights. After failing a couple of sleep studies, I was diagnosed with sleep apnea and shown the dreaded video “Your C-PAP machine and You.” With head bowed, cursing under my breath, I took home my new sleeping partner/ I call him Pappy. That night, I attached him to my nose. He was a naughty mask that blew in my face, if I didn’t position him correctly.
Two months later, I was still fighting with him.
In desperation, I bought a 5-foot Teddy bear to sleep with us. It was perfect. I could position the air hose under Teddy’s arm. And, as an added bonus, when I put my arms and legs around him, I had better body alignment.
But the bed was getting crowded.
Once I got used to sleeping with Pappy, I said, “Goodbye,” to Teddy. Now, there is room in my bed for another partner. Is it you? Are you my next Teddy Bear?
What I Am Looking For ~
I long for a man to take the chill off of a cold night. Another Pappy Person would be delightful, but only if our hoses don’t get tangled. That leads me to my most important requirement. If you use a C-PAP machine, you must plug in on the left, because I plug in on the right.
Please note; I have a delicious ability to make lemonade out of lemons. Let’s start squeezing, together…
Do you sleep with a C-PAP machine? Are you looking for a passionate napper who enjoys watching movies and eating crackers in bed; a 76-year-old “lady” who slumbers with a mask that makes her sound like Darth Vader? Well stop scrolling. You have hit the motherlode.
Here is my story ~
I suspected I had sleep apnea when I started taking naps at railroad crossings and long red lights. After failing a couple of sleep studies, I was diagnosed with sleep apnea and shown the dreaded video “Your C-PAP machine and You.” With head bowed, cursing under my breath, I took home my new sleeping partner/ I call him Pappy. That night, I attached him to my nose. He was a naughty mask that blew in my face, if I didn’t position him correctly.
Two months later, I was still fighting with him.
In desperation, I bought a 5-foot Teddy bear to sleep with us. It was perfect. I could position the air hose under Teddy’s arm. And, as an added bonus, when I put my arms and legs around him, I had better body alignment.
But the bed was getting crowded.
Once I got used to sleeping with Pappy, I said, “Goodbye,” to Teddy. Now, there is room in my bed for another partner. Is it you? Are you my next Teddy Bear?
What I Am Looking For ~
I long for a man to take the chill off of a cold night. Another Pappy Person would be delightful, but only if our hoses don’t get tangled. That leads me to my most important requirement. If you use a C-PAP machine, you must plug in on the left, because I plug in on the right.
Please note; I have a delicious ability to make lemonade out of lemons. Let’s start squeezing, together…
Longer Version
Do you sleep with a C-PAP machine? Are you looking for a passionate napper who enjoys watching movies and eating crackers in bed; a 76-year-old “lady” who slumbers with a mask that makes her sound like Darth Vader? If that describes your dream girl, stop scrolling. You have hit the motherlode.
Here is my story ~
I suspected I had sleep apnea when I started taking naps at railroad crossings and long red lights. After failing a couple of sleep studies, I was diagnosed with sleep apnea and shown the dreaded video “Your C-PAP machine and You.” With head bowed, cursing under my breath, I took home my new sleeping partner/ I call him “Pappy.” That night, I attached him to my nose. He was a naughty mask that blew in my face, if I didn’t position him correctly.
I repeated a mantra to myself many times in the upcoming months, “I am lucky to live in a country that has C-PAPs – I am lucky to have insurance that will pay for a C-PAP.” Two months later, I was still fighting with him. I would go to sleep with Pappy on my face, but a couple of hours later, I would awaken with him in my hand. Even my unconscious mind fought him.
In desperation, I bought a 5-foot Teddy bear to sleep with us. It was perfect. I could position the air hose under Teddy’s arm. And, as an added bonus, when I put my arms and legs around him, I had better body alignment.
But the bed was getting crowded.
Once I got used to sleeping with Pappy, I said, “Goodbye,” to Teddy. Now, there is room in my bed for another partner. Is it you? Are you my next Teddy Bear?
What I Am Looking For ~
I long for a man to take the chill off of a cold night. Another Pappy Person would be delightful, but only if our hoses don’t get tangled. That leads me to my most important requirement. If you use a C-PAP machine, you must plug in on the left. Because I always plug in on the right.
It means a lot to me that you read all of this. As a reward, please enter the words “no snoring” in your response, and I will move you to the top of the list of suitors.
Fun Fact ~
I’m also an exciting driver. When I totaled my car in 2001 and got a nasty lower-face abrasion from the air bag, I slept with gauze covering the lower half of my face and Pappy covering the upper half. I looked like “The Mummy Meets Dune fighter.” As I lay there covered in hose and gauze, I wondered if this garb might scare away a burglar or other home invader.
Please note; I have a delicious ability to make lemonade out of lemons. Let’s start squeezing, together…
Do you sleep with a C-PAP machine? Are you looking for a passionate napper who enjoys watching movies and eating crackers in bed; a 76-year-old “lady” who slumbers with a mask that makes her sound like Darth Vader? If that describes your dream girl, stop scrolling. You have hit the motherlode.
Here is my story ~
I suspected I had sleep apnea when I started taking naps at railroad crossings and long red lights. After failing a couple of sleep studies, I was diagnosed with sleep apnea and shown the dreaded video “Your C-PAP machine and You.” With head bowed, cursing under my breath, I took home my new sleeping partner/ I call him “Pappy.” That night, I attached him to my nose. He was a naughty mask that blew in my face, if I didn’t position him correctly.
I repeated a mantra to myself many times in the upcoming months, “I am lucky to live in a country that has C-PAPs – I am lucky to have insurance that will pay for a C-PAP.” Two months later, I was still fighting with him. I would go to sleep with Pappy on my face, but a couple of hours later, I would awaken with him in my hand. Even my unconscious mind fought him.
In desperation, I bought a 5-foot Teddy bear to sleep with us. It was perfect. I could position the air hose under Teddy’s arm. And, as an added bonus, when I put my arms and legs around him, I had better body alignment.
But the bed was getting crowded.
Once I got used to sleeping with Pappy, I said, “Goodbye,” to Teddy. Now, there is room in my bed for another partner. Is it you? Are you my next Teddy Bear?
What I Am Looking For ~
I long for a man to take the chill off of a cold night. Another Pappy Person would be delightful, but only if our hoses don’t get tangled. That leads me to my most important requirement. If you use a C-PAP machine, you must plug in on the left. Because I always plug in on the right.
It means a lot to me that you read all of this. As a reward, please enter the words “no snoring” in your response, and I will move you to the top of the list of suitors.
Fun Fact ~
I’m also an exciting driver. When I totaled my car in 2001 and got a nasty lower-face abrasion from the air bag, I slept with gauze covering the lower half of my face and Pappy covering the upper half. I looked like “The Mummy Meets Dune fighter.” As I lay there covered in hose and gauze, I wondered if this garb might scare away a burglar or other home invader.
Please note; I have a delicious ability to make lemonade out of lemons. Let’s start squeezing, together…